Thursday, April 26, 2012

This is rough

Again the foot is still on the mend and I'm still incredibly frustrated.  The wound has all but completely closed up.  The last part left to heal is still a small slit where the skin seems to be moist.  Not to be too gross, but between the toes is an area of a lot of moisture.  This makes it tough for healing to occur, hence the reason why I'm still waiting for things to 'dry up' and close up.  I head to the doc tomorrow to get my stitches removed, and I'm hoping he's got some good news for me.  Things are definitely headed in the right direction, I just need them to speed up a bit.

Along with all the complaining I've done this week, I've managed to do a lot of thinking as well.  Got a lot on my mind and being 'in my head' all the time doesn't make things better.  I've realized that exercise, whether it's riding my bike, lifting weights, skateboarding, or what have you, is really a means for me to get out of my head and forget about all that stresses me.  Being an only child, I guess I've always been forced to be alone with my thoughts.  This isn't a bad thing.  It's not like I never had friends to confide in, or people that would listen to me when I talked.  It's just that more often than not, I was by myself, forced in a way, to work things out in my head at my own pace and on my own time.  This habit has followed me into adulthood, and with the addition of more responsibilities and 'grown up life stuff', it is getting more and more difficult to simply solve things in my head.

I just started reading a book called "On Writing: A memoir of the Craft" by Steven King.  There's plenty in the book which I won't go into detail on here, but one thing that he wrote that has stuck out in my mind is that writing (and any art in general) is telepathy.  It's transferring your mind to any different place, time, setting, etc.  You're in effect, 'getting out of your head' and using your mind to transport your body to any place you wish.  Certainly I do that when I read and write, we all do, but I think the most evident place for me in which this happens is on two wheels.  It's not because it's some natural place, but rather because it's by far my most practiced place.  It's the place where I've spend hundreds and hundreds of hours, sweating, smiling, bleeding, and laughing.  My writing will be there soon, as will other aspects in my life.

Moving through this week has been difficult.  I've been up, but mostly down because of my foot.  It's a small thing, but it's taken away my most efficient form of transporting my mind to a different place.  A simple thing has caused great turmoil in the 'flow' of my general life, and I've done a pretty shitty job of getting the boat back on course.  Maybe I'm being hard on myself.  And that's ok.  The most important fact of this matter is that I learn from it and progress.  Going through this process without learning more about myself would be a shame.  Whatever the case, and whatever the future holds, the one certainty is that I'll be ready for an event such as this if and when it comes.

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