Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Feelin' good

No matter how many times it happens, I'm still shocked by how different events in your life can have an influence on how you feel.  Maybe I rely too much on external things to make me happy, but so be it.  I can't remember many times when I've been happier in my life.

There's a lot of bullshit going on where I work right now, but to be honest I can't care an ounce less.  Though there are slimy characters, and unprofessional things afoot, I continue to look forward to what opportunities present themselves in my life.  Motivational speakers might call this positive thinking, and in many ways it is, but for me, it's a calmness that has come over me, with the confidence to take the stress load off my shoulders.

I'm usually an abnormally nervous person; that is to say that I'm quite the anxious bastard.  I suppose like everyone, that I loose sleep over bills and other "life" things, but so many times I can't shake the everyday stress of life without doing something physical.  That's my outlet.  Days without sweat are like being in solitary confinement.  I bang my head against rubber walls, and struggle to move in the straight jacket I've created in my mind.  Very many nights have been spent struggling and wrestling with my own brain.  I always know in the end that it's useless (I think Lance Armstrong once said, "You can't solve anything laying awake in bed at 2am" but that's me, what can I say).

Anyway, without getting off on too much of a tangent, things seem to be making more sense these days than they have previously.  Life has seemed to slow down enough to understand what's going on, giving me a clear and concise course to follow.  I can't remember the last time I've been able to think so clearly.  Maybe it's maturity.  Maybe it's finally getting the pieces in place.  Whatever the case, it's a good feeling.  I just hope it lasts.

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