Friday, March 5, 2010


Didn't have much energy to train today. I've got A LOT on my mind lately, and that coupled with the fact that I ran harder and swam harder than I should have yesterday, made for quite a queesy feeling throughout the day. Travel, in itself, really takes a toll on the body. If it's not respected (i.e. if you're like me and go into "meathead toughguy" mode), it can come back to bite you in the arse.

My stomach is also presenting a bit of a problem lately. While in Spain it was a bit of an issue, and now that I'm back it continues to give me some distress. I imagine from all the travel and stress I'm turning myself inside out right now and that's the root of the problem. Hopefully taking it a bit easy this weekend will prove a remedy.

I'm planning on spinning easy tomorrow and perhaps doing a bit of an easy 3 hour ride on Sunday. After the training camp in the mountians I'm chomping at the bit to get out on the local roads. Either way, it'll have to wait until the body is ready to go. The last thing I want to do right now is make myself sick or overtrain. My eagerness in cases such as this one often presents itself as a liability rather than a strength. I'll have to keep my head on straight to avoid a misstep.

I was thinking today about the phrase "To die without scars." As I thought more and more about it, I realized, quite obviously, that it's not only about physical scars. Scars come emotionally, physically, financially, regretfully, etc. Each has it's own unique way of imprinting itself on the core of who you are. Decisions lead to scars. Whether physical, emotional, rational or irrational, decisions-good and bad-are the direct predesessor. What I'm getting at is that mistakes made by decisions leave scars, but build who we are. Being "made of scars" shows character. It proves that you're not afraid to take chances that in the end may leave you with a deep and fortunate understanding of who you really are. The last thing I want to do is go through life with a clean slate. I want to taste, feel, live, and breath decisions I make. I want them under my fingernails, in my hair, and on my clothes. With every move I make I want to feel alive. I want to bathe in it and accept it for what it is. Anything short of that is to cheat yourself of the short time you have to really live.

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